REAL Native English (US) speakers ONLY, please. No near fluent speakers, please.
Does this sound natural?
Thanks. :)

"From: 'my name'
To: Mr. Willam
Subject: Meeting for Christmas Party
Date: Oct. 30, 9:30

Dear Mr. William,

Thank you very much for your email of Oct. 29, 2018. I'm glad to attend the meeting next Thursday.

By the way, in this email, let me point out one problem, which you might have already known. And also I would like to suggest to you the solution which I think we should share.

The problem is that we have already had far more applicants than we had expected when we decided in September to hold this party. We estimated that the total number of guests would be 200 based on the last year's party guest list, but the number of the applicants turned out to be 250 as of October 29.

Hence, there will probably not be enough room for all the prospective guests at the party venue which we have already booked.

I would like to, therefore, suggest that we should cancel the party venue and reserve a larger party room at XYZ Hotel instead. The rent of the hotel is reasonable and we will not be charged a cancellation fee if we cancel it by November 15, which also would be "friendly" to our tight budget.

Thanks for your attention. I'm looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
'my name' "
klingt das natürlich?

Question

REAL Native English (US) speakers ONLY, please. No near fluent speakers, please. 
Does this sound natural? 
Thanks. :)

"From: 'my name'
To: Mr. Willam 
Subject: Meeting for Christmas Party
Date: Oct. 30, 9:30

Dear Mr. William,

Thank you very much for your email of Oct. 29, 2018. I'm glad to attend the meeting next Thursday.

By the way, in this email, let me point out one problem, which you might have already known. And also I would like to suggest to you the solution which I think we should share.

The problem is that we have already had far more applicants than we had expected when we decided in September to hold this party. We estimated that the total number of guests would be 200 based on the last year's party guest list, but the number of the applicants turned out to be 250 as of October 29.

Hence, there will probably not be enough room for all the prospective guests at the party venue which we have already booked.

I would like to, therefore, suggest that we should cancel the party venue and reserve a larger party room at XYZ Hotel instead. The rent of the hotel is reasonable and we will not be charged a cancellation fee if we cancel it by November 15, which also would be "friendly" to our tight budget.

Thanks for your attention. I'm looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely, 
'my name' " 
 klingt das natürlich?

Skeletons · Answer

I agree with the above comments, they’re both great suggestions.

There are some articles in here that you don’t need, as well as some inconsistencies in formality.

For example:
We estimated the total number of guests would be 200 based on last year’s guest list, but the number of applicants turned out to be 250 as of October 29th.

As for the closing statement, I would say:
Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to your reply.

It’s a very well-written email :) Great job!

superpuffball · Answer

I think using "Thank you very much for your e-mail" would  sound better, but if you want to specify the date than I would use "on" instead of "of Oct. 29". Also, I would say "By the way, in this email, let me point out one problem which you might have already known. I'd also like to request a solution I think we should consider". Something like that might seem a bit more natural? But overall it's really good.

Missy5417363 · Answer

Overall this is a fantastic letter. I do recommend that you to write the orthography after the number dates for example:November 15th 
You can also just write: 'which would work for our budget' or 'It is financially economical towards our budget'

Overall this is a fantastic letter. I do recommend that you to write the orthography after the number dates for example:November 15th You can also just write: 'which would work for our budget' or 'It is financially economical towards our budget'

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Overall this is a fantastic letter. I do recommend that you to write the orthography after the number dates for example:November 15th
You can also just write: 'which would work for our budget' or 'It is financially economical towards our budget'