The visitors of the three main beaches of Kamakura city this summer were 30% less than last year. This is because the city adopted a new ordinance last spring that prohibits drinking, music using speakers, and display of tattoos on the beaches. Young people apparently chose other beaches where they can drink and go wild as much as they want.
klingt das natürlich?

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Etwas unnatürlich

Maybe rephrase the first sentence. There were 30% less visitors this year at the three main beaches of Kamakura City." There also needs to be a pronoun after the word "this." Example "the reason is because the city…" If you want to be even more particular, your examples of drinking, music using speakers, and display of tattoos should all be given with either verbs or nouns. Example, "drinking, listening to music using speakers, and displaying of tattoos,…" Most Americans would probably say your answer is very good

分かりました、とても丁寧なコメントをありがとうございます！
Thank you so much!

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