Question
Aktualisiert am
24 Apr 2017
- Vereinfachtes Chinesisch (China)
-
Englisch (US)
Frage ĂŒber Englisch (US)
please give me some advice about my writing, thanks!
please give me some advice about my writing, thanks!
Recently, more and more people are hotly debating on issue regarding education. One of the questions under debate is whether parents should give money to their children for their progress in school. Naturally, different people have different opinions. As for me, even though the question may be quite complex, I tend to support that using money to encourage children to study hard is a good choice, a choice that its merits weight out its drawbacks.
To start with, offering money to children is a wise way to acknowldge childrenâs efforts and facilitate their learning progress. As we all know, modern students are usually suffering great pressures from school. When children get high mark in school, they always desire encouragement and recognition from others, especcially from parents. Therefore, giving money as a reward is just a way to express parentâs satisfaction and will motivate children to persist in hard working. For example, when I was in high school, my mother always rewaded me with 10 RMB for a full mark. In order to get these money, I became more harder. By receiving these amount of money, I felt that all the efforts I had made were worthwhile and I was largely motivated to take more time to study. If my excellent class performance has not been rewarded these money from my mom, I must feel sad and learn knowledge without zeal. After all ,every child longs for encouragement. Obviously, money is an effective stimulus.
Moreover, school-age children should not only have enough knowledge, they should also have a strong practical skills. Receiving money from parents provides children with chances to cultive their fanancial management ability. And this ability could help kids spend their money better. Take my young brother as an example. He got No.1 in his class when he was 13 and receives 100RMB from his grandfather. But he didnât waste these money on useless purchases, such as computer games, junk food and so on. He made a detailed note about these money: spending 30 RMB on necessary books , using 10 RMB to prepare a card for motherâs birthday and making 60 RMB into bank to get some interests. Now, the money in bank is not only 60 RMB. It is clearly that giving chilren money can help them expand their wealth and let them know how to invest their money.
However, too much money could have a counteractive effect on childrenâs learning . Because it may cause the young to form some kind of misconception of study. For example, some kids cheat in exam just for getting a good mark that can exchange lots of money from their parents. And they need these money buy some expensive goods and enjoy luxurious life. Therefore, parents should reward children with a proper amount of money----just a little money to drive them to keep forward, not too much to get them accustomed to high consumption. Proper rewarding brings more benefits than drawbacks.
To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, I think that it is good for parents offering proper money to their children as a reward for their progress.
To start with, offering money to children is a wise way to acknowldge childrenâs efforts and facilitate their learning progress. As we all know, modern students are usually suffering great pressures from school. When children get high mark in school, they always desire encouragement and recognition from others, especcially from parents. Therefore, giving money as a reward is just a way to express parentâs satisfaction and will motivate children to persist in hard working. For example, when I was in high school, my mother always rewaded me with 10 RMB for a full mark. In order to get these money, I became more harder. By receiving these amount of money, I felt that all the efforts I had made were worthwhile and I was largely motivated to take more time to study. If my excellent class performance has not been rewarded these money from my mom, I must feel sad and learn knowledge without zeal. After all ,every child longs for encouragement. Obviously, money is an effective stimulus.
Moreover, school-age children should not only have enough knowledge, they should also have a strong practical skills. Receiving money from parents provides children with chances to cultive their fanancial management ability. And this ability could help kids spend their money better. Take my young brother as an example. He got No.1 in his class when he was 13 and receives 100RMB from his grandfather. But he didnât waste these money on useless purchases, such as computer games, junk food and so on. He made a detailed note about these money: spending 30 RMB on necessary books , using 10 RMB to prepare a card for motherâs birthday and making 60 RMB into bank to get some interests. Now, the money in bank is not only 60 RMB. It is clearly that giving chilren money can help them expand their wealth and let them know how to invest their money.
However, too much money could have a counteractive effect on childrenâs learning . Because it may cause the young to form some kind of misconception of study. For example, some kids cheat in exam just for getting a good mark that can exchange lots of money from their parents. And they need these money buy some expensive goods and enjoy luxurious life. Therefore, parents should reward children with a proper amount of money----just a little money to drive them to keep forward, not too much to get them accustomed to high consumption. Proper rewarding brings more benefits than drawbacks.
To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, I think that it is good for parents offering proper money to their children as a reward for their progress.
Antworten
25 Apr 2017
Favorisierte Antwort
- Englisch (US)
@zhaolili same :) I hope I helped and didn't confuse you too much đ please ask me questions any time. I enjoy reading things like this :)
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- Englisch (US)
Hi! So I edited it a bit ^^ I mostly rephrased or restructured some sentences. I tried not to take away from the points you were making. I hope it helps!
Recently, more and more people are hotly debating on the issues regarding education. One of the questions under debate is whether parents should give money to their children for their progress in school. Naturally, different people have different opinions. As for me, even though the question may be quite complex, I tend to support the use of money to encourage children to study hard. I believe its merits outweighs its drawbacks.
To start with, offering money to children is a wise way to acknowldge childrenâs efforts and facilitate their learning progress. As we all know, modern students are usually suffering under great pressure from school. When children get high marks in school, they always desire encouragement and recognition from others, especially from parents. Therefore, giving money as a reward is just a way to express parentâs satisfaction and will motivate children to persist in working hard. For example, when I was in high school, my mother always rewarded me with 10 RMB for a full mark. In order to get this money, I had to work harder. By receiving that amount of money, I felt that all the efforts I had made were worthwhile and I was largely motivated to take more time to study. If my excellent class performance had not been rewarded with money from my mom, I would have felt sad and learned knowledge without zeal. After all, every child longs for encouragement. In my experience, money is an effective stimulus.
Moreover, school-aged children should not only have enough knowledge, they should also have a strong practical skills. Receiving money from parents provides children with the opportunity to cultivate their financial management ability. And this ability could help kids spend their money better. Take my young brother as an example. He got No.1 in his class when he was 13 and received 100RMB from his grandfather. But he didnât waste that money on useless purchases, such as computer games, junk food and so on. He made detailed notes about the money: spending 30 RMB on necessary books, using 10 RMB to prepare a card for motherâs birthday and depositing 60 RMB into a bank to gain some interest. Now, the money in the bank is not only 60 RMB. It is clear that giving children money can help them expand their wealth and let them know how to invest their money.
However, too much money could have a counteractive effect on childrenâs learning because it may cause a misconception on the importance of studying. For example, some kids are willing cheat on their exam for a good mark and in exchange still be rewarded a lot of money.
***And they need these money buy some expensive goods and enjoy luxurious life.*** (I don't quite understand this, but I think this sentence should be omitted. Or you can put "They only care about buying expensive, luxurious goods.)
Therefore, parents should reward children with a proper amount of money---- enough to drive them forward, but not so much that they grow accustomed to high consumption. (I would personally change this to "...but not so much that it encourages cheating.) Proper rewarding brings more benefits than drawbacks.
To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, I think that it is good for parents to offer their children a proper amount of money as a reward for their progress.
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- Vereinfachtes Chinesisch (China)
Thank you very much for your help!
And I am still not too clear about this sentence"some kids are willing cheat on their exam for a good mark and in exchange still be rewarded a lot of money. "
I mean , Some kids are willing "to" cheat on their exam, is it be better?
In addition, I am really confused about why cheating could exchange reward.
And I am still not too clear about this sentence"some kids are willing cheat on their exam for a good mark and in exchange still be rewarded a lot of money. "
I mean , Some kids are willing "to" cheat on their exam, is it be better?
In addition, I am really confused about why cheating could exchange reward.
- Englisch (US)
@zhaolili yea you're right haha I know I made some mistakes. Actually, that entire paragraph I wasn't sure what your main point was. What I was trying to say, without changing what you've said too much, was some kids are willing to cheat if they think the payout is worth the risk. Which is counterproductive, like you said. Keeping the reward amount moderate is important because it needs to motivate the child to do well, but not so much that they are willing to do anything (like cheating) to get it. That's why in the following sentences I suggest you add that follow up.
I'm sorry if I'm confusing you đ
you can just ignore any edits on that if I don't make any sense.
War diese Antwort hilfreich?
- Vereinfachtes Chinesisch (China)
I got it. Your advice and suggestions are very important to my English studying. It's so nice to meet you.
- Englisch (US)
@zhaolili same :) I hope I helped and didn't confuse you too much đ please ask me questions any time. I enjoy reading things like this :)
War diese Antwort hilfreich?
- Vereinfachtes Chinesisch (China)
I rewrote the Paragraph 4, Do you think this writing will be better?
Your help is greatly appreciated.
However, too much money could have a counteractive effect on childrenâs learning because it may cause a misconception on the importance of studying. For example, some kids are willing to cheat on their exam for a good mark since their parents promised to give them a lot of money. And these kids think the payout is worth the risk. Therefore, parents should rewarded children with a proper amount of money----enough to drive them forward, but not so much that they are willing to do anything to get it. Proper rewarding brings more better children who are motivated by money rathen than controlled by money.
Your help is greatly appreciated.
However, too much money could have a counteractive effect on childrenâs learning because it may cause a misconception on the importance of studying. For example, some kids are willing to cheat on their exam for a good mark since their parents promised to give them a lot of money. And these kids think the payout is worth the risk. Therefore, parents should rewarded children with a proper amount of money----enough to drive them forward, but not so much that they are willing to do anything to get it. Proper rewarding brings more better children who are motivated by money rathen than controlled by money.
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