I would like to travel California if I can go abroad.
There are several reasons.
First, I want to chill out at the beach. I can take my mind off of my work and bad things which make me depressed when I see the ocean. Moreover, the sound of the sea makes me calm down. I want to spend a lot of time lying on the beach and soaking up the sun since I'm always sitting on my desk at my office. I saw the travel magazine that there are a lot of beach in California. I would like to stay the hotel near the beach. It would be great if there is the private pool in the hotel.

Secondly, there is Disneyland in California. They opened one of the first theme parks in Anaheim a long time ago. I would like to stay the hotel in the park even if it's expensive to stay there. I heard from one of my Americans friends that It's pretty vast to explore only for one day. I'm curious that how much bigger than Tokyo Disneyland. I used to go there with my friends every Christmas when I was in Japan since I was living in the city which is close to there. I also want to see there is a difference between them. klingt das natürlich?

Question

I would like to travel California if I can go abroad.
There are several reasons. 
First, I want to chill out at the beach. I can take my mind off of my work and bad things which make me depressed when I see the ocean. Moreover, the sound of the sea makes me calm down.  I want to spend a lot of time lying on the beach and soaking up the sun since I'm always sitting on my desk at my office. I saw the travel magazine that there are a lot of beach in California. I would like to stay the hotel near the beach. It would be great if there is the private pool in the hotel.

Secondly, there is Disneyland in California. They opened one of the first theme parks in Anaheim a long time ago. I would like to stay the hotel in the park even if it's expensive to stay there. I heard from one of my Americans friends that It's pretty vast to explore only for one day. I'm curious that how much bigger than Tokyo Disneyland. I used to go there with my friends every Christmas when I was in Japan since I was living in the city which is close to there. I also want to see there is a difference between them.  klingt das natürlich?

Guise2233 · Accepted Answer

Here are a few corrections you can make:
- I would like to travel to California if I could go abroad.
- I read in the travel magazine that there are a lot of beaches in California.
- I would like to stay at the hotel near the beach.
- It would be great if there is a private pool in the hotel.
- I would like to stay at the hotel even if it's expensive to stay there.
- Use "American" instead of "Americans".
- I'm curious about how much bigger it is than Tokyo Disneyland.
- since I was living in the city which is close to it.
- I also want to see whether/if there is a difference between them.

cali_osaka · Answer

You did very well!　英語はかなり流暢ですね。
There are only a few small mistakes as shown below. 

I would like to travel TO California
sitting AT my desk
I saw IN the travel magazine that there are a lot of beachES
stay AT the hotel
if there is A private pool AT the hotel
stay AT the hotel in the park
that its TOO LARGE to explore IN only one day
I'm curious how much bigger IT IS than Tokyo Disneyland.
I also want to see IF there is a difference between them.

あとは語順の微調整でもう少し自然になるんだけど、全然大したことありません。
上出来！

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